


Clarinette

by squark (argentflowers)



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, F/M, I want to clarify that this is ironic, Masturbation, Porn Without Plot, Smut, crackfic, i want death, please kill me this is the first thing I've published on here, plot? what plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 11:42:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20834885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentflowers/pseuds/squark
Summary: Squidward loves his clarinet a little too much.





	Clarinette

Squidward let out a despondent sigh as he returned from work that afternoon. His body felt heavy with fatigue, and his large eyes were aching from holding back tears. He went upstairs, bursting into his room with such previously unknown strength that the door broke off its hinges. 

He darted to the end of the room to retrieve his cherished clarinet case. In a fervent declaration of love, he threw the case open.

"Oh, Clarinette!" he cried out, holding his long-lost love close to his unprepossessing chest. "No longer can I live without you..." 

His eyes grew steely with determination.

"Tonight," he whispered against the clarinet's smooth, glossy ebony surface, "I shall make you mine."

Swallowing thickly, he laid the clarinet against the bed, promptly ripping off his shirt out of sheer need for her touch. He then grasped Clarinette, in awe of her girth, and slowly ran his tongue over one of her many, many holes. She tasted strongly of innocence. 

A feral growl emanated from Squidward's broomstick-thin throat.

"Mine, mine, mine...!" he hissed, repeating the word like a mantra. 

This wasn't enough. He needed to become one with her. 

"Clarinette," he breathed wantonly as he slowly brought her closer to his fluttering hole, "please. I want you inside me..."

Clarinette said nothing, for she knew what she had to do to please her man. 

"Only you can ever have the privilege of deflowering me." 

Squidward, sucking in a deep breath, inserted her tip inside. In hindsight, he should have lubed himself up at first, but that did not matter. The pain was worth it. Did fish even experience the same friction underwater during sex as did their terrestrial compatriots? 

Scholars remain divided.

"It's okay," he gasped, "Clarinette...go further...please...I can't bear to wait..."

Clarinette, with reluctance, obliged, shoving herself deeply into him and stimulating his yearning prostate with fast, hard thrusts. At that, Squidward emitted increasingly pathetic, needy mewls, his eyes rolling back with pure ecstasy. HIs mouth watered with desire; his cries grew louder, louder, _louder, _and the entire neighborhood was subject to the torture of hearing it all, until he finally approached climax.

"Clarinette!" he cried. "I'm going to...!"

It was at that moment when Squidward woke up with a start. 

"Oh...it was just a dream...?"

He then looked to his side to find Clarinette, sleeping with a serene beauty. Squidward couldn't help but stare at her with endearment. 

Ah, so it wasn't. How anticlimactic.


End file.
